Hot Springs, AR - The Hot Springs Board of Directors on Wednesday issued an emergency order changing the name of Hot Springs to Cold Springs with the threat of severe winter weather approaching. According to reports, board members felt that implementing an emergency plan would be too costly, require extra work and involve too much community interaction. "We felt it best to capitalize on the impending doom facing our city and rename it, Cold Springs, because it is about to get really fucking cold." one board member reportedly stated.
Board members are said to be unanimous in their assumption that even the slightest amount of ice will throw the city into chaos and there is no point in "preparing" for inclement weather. "Everyone is about to clean out the grocery stores for bread and milk for whatever reason, the ice will hit, the power will go out and everyone will be sitting in their houses looking like idiots staring at the bread and milk they just bought for no damn reason."
There will be a special fee added to municipal bills to pay the cost of the name change, repair any damage caused by ice and replace all the bread and milk everyone is about to waste.