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Federal Officials In Panic Mode After Florida Man & Arkansas Woman Announce Baby

Little Rock, AR - A scant few Scientists have always warned of the possibility of a hybrid Florida/Arkansas baby for years, urging state and federal officials to ban Floridians and Arkansans from dating. Their warnings fell on deaf ears by most in the scientific community and the government. This mostly due to the incompatible and unique METHA & ICEBLUE chromosomes. “

“Many of our colleagues have held that the METHA chromosomes present in Floridians were incompatible with the ICEBLUE found in Arkansans. This has led to zero intervention by government officials and for decades the two citizen types have been engaging in coitus. It's like a dog fucking a cat. You know it ain't right but you just don't see anything coming from it,” one scientist said.

On the evening of January 5, a Florida Man and Arkansas woman announced their pregnancy, sending shockwaves through the scientific community and causing federal officials to go into a state of panic. Medical staff immediately notified the CDC and many world-renowned geneticists.

“We have been monitoring this pregnancy for almost two months and can confirm its legitimacy. Our main concern is the bonding of the two once-thought-incompatible chromosomes. It's unheard of. Unlike most fetuses that would be negatively impacted by the mother’s drinking, this monstrosity seems to thrive off of a steady supply of Keystone Lite and we now believe the creature is producing methamphetamine inside its body.”

More details on the creature are unknown at this time but the family will remain in isolation throughout the pregnancy in a secret location. “The public is safe but now is the time for the government to act and ban sex between Floridians and Arkansans.”



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