Arkansas Governor To Enact 80hr a Week Work Requirement For All Medicaid Recipients

Little Rock, AR - On Monday Arkansas Governor Sarah Huckabee-Sanders announced her plan to add an 80hr a week work requirement for all Arkansas Medicaid recipients. The goal of the work requirement is to get all Arkansans back into the workforce, regardless of their ability to do so.

“We are going to take a Spartan approach to Medicaid in Arkansas. If you can work eighty hours a week, you can get it. If not, you'll probably die trying which will save the state money in the long run,” she said in a press release.

The new work requirement will apply to all Medicaid recipients, regardless of age, or mental or physical status. “In the long run, we expect to save the state billions of dollars as most with developmental disabilities and psychiatric disorders will drop off within the first couple of months. Those that are medically frail aren't expected to last a day,” the statement continued.

Huckabee-Sanders says the money the state saves from Medicaid can go to much-needed state programs like raises for her team, building more prisons, and arming law enforcement with military-grade equipment.

“What would be more American than taking healthcare away from those that desperately need it to provide our boys in blue with rocket launchers.”

Albert Pike to Serve as Main Antagonist in Forth Ghostbusters Movie

After ending the story of the villain Gozer the Gozerian after nearly 40 years, the Ghostbusters franchise has found a new antagonist in the larger-than-life Albert Pike. Producers confirmed the new Villain in a press release late Tuesday.

“Afterlife was the perfect end to a story 38 years in the making. The fourth installment of the franchise will introduce a new larger-than-life villain in Masonic author and confederate general Albert Pike.” With the controversy surrounding the iconic figure, the production team felt he would be the perfect villain for the new team.

While most of the production will occur in the Boston area, part of the new story is set to take place in Hot Springs, AR where Albert Pike Road is named after the new ghost baddie.

Valentine's Day Altercation Lands Hot Springs Man in ICU

Hot Springs, AR - A local man was sent to the NPMC ICU early Tuesday morning after an altercation with his wife.

“We received a call from a residence on Albert Pike road about a domestic dispute between a husband and wife. When officers arrived the husband was in and out of consciousness with a very large heart-shaped box appeared to be forced somewhere it definitely did not belong.”

The wife, who called 911 after the incident reportedly told officers on the scene that he would not stop trying “the butt stuff” on her and “gave him what he wanted.”

The suspect admitted to shoving the box of chocolates up her husband’s ass after he would not leave her alone about trying anal sex, according to the report. The victim was said to have been screaming “That's not what I meant!” as he was being taken from the scene to an ambulance.